Handling Separation Anxiety

by Becki Galardy
Program Manager
Illini Union Parent Programs Office

Whether you are sending your first, third or last child off to college, nearly all parents and families experience some level of separation anxiety as the beginning of the fall semester approaches. Acknowledging these feelings is a first step toward understanding the process you and your family are going through. I recently asked Dr. Deidre Weathersby of the Counseling Center at Illinois to share her insight and advice on how to enjoy a smooth transition for everyone and how to nurture the relationship with your emerging young adult child.

Q. What are some of the common feelings associated with sending a student off to college?
A. There can be apprehensions, excitement, a number of mixed emotions. There may be a conflict in trying to balance being available to your child however they may need you and also trying to give them room to grow and become increasingly more independent. The feelings may be familiar to other transition periods that went on with parents and their students (i.e. first school experience, transition to high school) but simply exacerbated with the geographical difference and developmental timeline.

Q. What advice do you offer to parents who are feeling anxious about their student moving onto college?
A. Don't forget to establish your own support systems. Maybe join the Moms and/or Dads Associations, or volunteer to help with a program or event through the Illini Union Parent Programs Office. Find new ways to add to your own "self care regimen" which may include new hobbies, strengthening relationships with friends and family, or choosing to focus more on healthy lifestyle living. Maybe make a personal contract of a list of items you can do to help manage your own anxiety. Also be familiar with the campus resources so you can feel comfortable helping refer your student to various services (counseling center, career center, cultural houses, LGBTQ resource center, etc). The Illini Union Parent Programs Office has an extensive list of campus resources available on their Web site. Try to attend the Illini Parents 101 Workshop on September 26th at the Illini Union. It is a great opportunity to meet other Illinois families, campus administrators and staff and learn about some incredible resources available to you and your student.

Q. How does someone know if what they are feeling is normal or unusual?
A. Emotional conflict, apprehension, excitement are understandable. If you are concerned about the intensity or duration of your process of your student transitioning to college, it may be a good time to seek some professional help of your own through mental health counseling, support groups, spiritual guides or other forms of counseling.

Q. Why is it important to deal with feelings when they begin to interfere with normal activities and relationships with their students?
A. It can be beneficial to understand and become aware of how your internal process effects your relationships.a fresh perspective can help with that process. The parent-child attachment is a two way relationship involving both the student and parent. Understandably, both will experience some challenges. It's important to deal with problems or issues in order to maintain a healthy, productive relationship with your student.

Q. Why is it important for parents to "let go" and allow their student to move forward at this point in their development?
A. I like to think of it as developing and transitioning to an adult relationship with your student. There may be responsibilities that you begin to give over to your student but you are also gaining the experience of having an adult child to watch grow in their own right.